I’ve been circling ideas of a title around in my head for a bit, and one keeps coming back to me; A Way Out. This is the title of a poem I wrote last summer that summarized my feelings of having and overcoming depression. Though this book is about my social anxiety as well, I feel the title fits both illnesses. There is also a second part to the title anyways, to help people know what my memoir is about from the front cover. The whole title is:
A Way Out: A Memoir of How I Conquered Severe Depression and Social Anxiety.
Here is the poem that I wrote last summer!
A Way Out
I’m consumed by darkness,
there is no way out.
No way out of my mind that traps me.
No way out of this despair that overwhelms me.
No way out of this life.
What can I do when the tears run out?
When the only solace is hoping I will fall asleep and not wake up.
But I will wake up.
Not from choice, but from life.
The life I don’t want.
The life I don’t deserve.
The life where nothing is wrong but me.
Where I pray to someone I don’t believe in,
just in hopes this will end.
But it doesn’t.
Day by day, night by night,
I get through it.
It is difficult, the hardest thing I have ever done,
but I get through it.
If those who say they love me actually do, can I do this to them?
Can I risk hurting those I love?
I push the feelings of wanting to end away,
even if it’s till the next morning or in a few days.
The feelings won’t last, they are not forever.
What is forever is what means most. Family, friends, love.
I will fight my way out of this pit,
this pit that sucks me in every chance it gets.
I will find and develop the right tools to help me,
that will help to pull me out.
The journey will be difficult, impossible maybe.
But I did it.
I went through the journey and survived.
I crawled out of the muddy pit of my seemingly worthless existence.
I now see value in my life.
I see more light in this world, in me.
The darkness that literally and figuratively consumed me is gone.
Don’t give up.
Please don’t give up.
There are people who love you, people who care.
Some day one of those people will be you.
PS: I now have an editor for when I’m done writing!